The Great MNF Announcing Crew

It has been noted previously that there are some really bad announcers working football games. Some of the worst out there are on Monday Night Football. Here are some notes from Monday night’s broadcast that I jotted down while watching da game.

Theisman after a McNair scramble: “remember it was his sternum that was hurt, not his legs.”

Theisman after Ekuban beat Ogden for McNair sack: “Steve McNair needs to pick Ebenzer Ekuban up”

Kornheiser after Sunshine tries to mimic Snakes hard count: “Thanks you for explaining hard counts, later on I’d like you to deal with off sides and pressure.”

Theisman after McCallister gets fumble and gets his feet down – “look at him tap-toe down the sideline and get his feet in!” I believe the phrase is tip-toe, you smuck.

Theisman when asked how weather affects QB’s “the ball gets a little tacky and it’s easier to throw, unless it rains a whole lot” Kornheiser: “it’s easier to throw? Theisman: “kind of”

After TK talks about his fantasy team as he always does as if anyone besides him gives a $%#&: Theisman to Kornheiser: “quit complaining about your fantasy team” Man will they box before the season is over?

Theisman gives a discourse on the benefits of a quarterback wearing gloves, how they make you feel more comfortable, how they provide extra grip, etc. However, just before his discourse he prefaces his comments by saying “I never wore them (gloves)” Then how the hell do you know so much about the benefits of wearing gloves?!!

After a Plummer int, Theisman explains why Plummer shouldn’t have thrown the pass and should’ve thrown it away. To which Kornheiser has to respond, “But he’s not a throw-away quarterback!” These guys are like 5 yr olds. I can just see them during commercial break: “Tirico, he’s touching me!” “Am not!”

Theisman refers to Terrell Suggs as “T-Sizzle” Kornheiser then says, “I know I speak for all of America when I say we would love to see you with a big gold necklace that says T-Sizzle” to which Theisman responds, “Diamonds, not gold Tony, diamonds.” Hey fellas, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say, “You guys suck!”

Why did they bring that guy from Desperate Housewives in the booth? This is MNF, do they really think their target audience gives a crap about this wuss in a coma on this chick show? I take it back, I really think Kornheiser is a fan. Fag.

Theisman after a good punt return by Darrent Williams: “Williams shows everyone you don’t have to do it with speed.” (watching replay of return) “See how he sets up his blocks, then he uses his speed.” WTF? Does the guy have speed or not?

Ok, I missed most of the commentary for the first 5 minutes of the third quarter (gay work) but I’m back on the ball, so hopefully the guys in da booth won’t let me down.

Theiman: “It’s not easy to throw in these conditions, you can do it, but it’s not easy.” Theiman, you clearly said earlier these conditions made it easier to throw! I even wrote it down, scroll up if you don’t believe me!

Suzy Kolber chimes in with breaking news: Chris McAllister watches the receivers he is covering. Genius Suzy, pure genius.

After talking about great defenses of the past, Theisman says, “I wanna call them (Ravens defense) the Baltimore Bullies, they don’t have a nickname.” Kornheiser comes back with, “What about the Denver Broncos? What would you call them? They’re just as good? Theisman: “Really good.”

Theisman: “Sometimes when you’re a quarterback and you’re in a funk, you get out and run and get hit a little bit and you come out of it.” The weirdest thing about this comment maybe that Joe pulled it out of nowhere! Plummer completed a pass, but he didn’t run nor did he get hit at all. Theisman just felt like telling us that I guess.

Theisman: “ We talked earlier about special teams being important. Ed Reed almost had a chance to block the last punt.” That’s great Joe, too bad the Broncos are kicking a FIELD GOAL!!

Theisman after pass broken up by Champ Bailey, “He’s beyond good…he’s great!” He’s not Frosted Flakes Joe.

Why didn’t ESPN play the miked up comments from John Lynch right when he got injured on the field? It would have been funny to hear an NFL player in pain!

Joe Theisman referring to Chicago Bears defense: “that’s why I don’t think they’re gonna lose.” Kornheiser (shocked): “Ever?” Theisman: “Yep, I think they can go undefeated.”
Okay, Theisman, I’m holding you to that. You better not pick against the Bears the rest of the year.